happy birthday

you didn't tell me it was your birthday.
I could have
would have
planned something nice.

If that's what you wanted.

I can't even, really,
get you a gift.
Something small to say
"I'm glad you were born."
"Thank you for existing."
"You bring joy."

If I had had the time,
with a little warning,
I could have gotten you something
new
unique
a fresh experience.
Something you will remember,
because I am sentimental.

Instead,
I am lying here
at two in the morning
thinking of the many ways I could have said
(given some notice)
I love you.