If you weren't there, I wouldn't move.

Even now - 

If you tell me that 

After we unpack my apartment, 

You're leaving, 

I'll go back to retail. 

I am uprooting my life for you.
I do not want to leave my friends

What little family I have

For someone who is waiting 

To feel okay about leaving me.

Please don't take the credit

For making me safe,

Just to leave.

There's no award.

Parenting I and II

I want my son to see a healthy home.
                                 joy.
                                 love.

I want him to hear
"I am so glad you exist"
instead of thinking I regret bringing him into this world.

I want,
more than I want my own happiness,
for him to feel safe.
                      strong.
                      unafraid.

I have been afraid for
26 years.

Afraid of being homeless.
                        hungry.
                        cold.

Afraid of being alone.

I have always said,
"Do not stay in impossible relationships 'for the kids'."
And I stand by that.

But I understand the impulse.


-----------------------------------

I learned how not to parent.

Don't have an abusive husband.
Don't be an alcoholic.
Don't abandon your children.
Don't lie.

But that kind of knowledge only leaves a void.

A child is a vessel that gets filled
with dreams
(theirs, and yours)
and ideas.

A lacking is not,
By definition,
And I do not want him
To be filled with emptiness.